T.G.I.F. (Thank God I’m Female)

Just made it in from a holiday gathering at the home of one of my favorite married couples. The crowd was about half married and half single which presented a great opportunity for me to spread the word about my new blog and strike up a conversation that could potentially lead to blogging material. After hearing the title and premise of my blog, my married friend asked another single woman and I why we thought relationships were so hard to come by in this city. Reaffirming that my experiences with dating in this city are far from unique, we both answered that there are too many options and having options makes a committed relationship undesirable. My cohort took it a step further by stating she would remain single so long as she lived in this city. When most singles get all the benefits of a relationship from dating multiple people at the same time why would they decide to be in a committed relationship with one person accepting their shortcomings and foreclosing all other options. I must admit, I have suffered from TMDS (too much dating syndrome) in the past and sometimes wish I could mold three different guys into a complimentary mate.

As the conversation about dating went on, I expressed my gratitude for being born female. I’ve said this time and time and again. I could NEVER take multiple dudes out on dates knowing that I would be expected to pick up the tab. I never intentionally run up the bill when I go on dates, but I know some females (term used appropriately for context) who do. I know it must be hard for a guy to focus on what the woman sitting across from him at the dinner table is saying as she orders a beverage, an alcoholic beverage (or two), an appetizer, the most expensive entrée and a dessert. If he’s a gentlemen, add on a generous tip, valet, or parking fees and he’s racked up a serious bill for about two hours of a woman’s time. A woman who you may not ever hear from again. And this is all just dinner. Add on a comedy show, movie, or special event and he’s easily spent well over one hundred dollars entertaining his date for the night. Just thinking about the ridiculous price men are expected to pay for a woman’s time makes me more thankful than ever that I was born female. If I spent all that money on a female only for her to later ignore my calls, text, emails, etc., who knows what I would do. No wonder guys expect something in return after about three or four dates. I honestly can’t say I would feel any different.

As I pat myself on the back, I will share that I have offered to pay for myself on numerous occasions. Especially when there was no chemistry and I didn’t want the guy to have any reason to feel as though I owed him something because he paid for dinner and a movie. I have also developed creative ways to pick up the check when dates have gone well like a game of rock, paper, scissors. However, I think most guys have lost on purpose because for them picking up the check is the right thing to do. But I’m certain they appreciated the offer nonetheless.

In conclusion, I commend the guys who pay. I’m not being sarcastic when I say that I really feel for you. I know I could never do it. So T.G.I.F.!

I am,
Single in Atl

The Hair Salon

I had my first appointment with my new hair stylist this weekend. She does fabulous work and I’m excited about our new “hairationship.” Like the barber shop, the hair salon is a place where women let it all hang out in their appearance and their words. We tackle broad and diverse topics like men, relationships, family drama, work, politics, music, and fashion. Since my stylist and I were meeting for the first time, we quickly discovered we had one thing in common: we are both single in the city. This one thing dominated our conversation for the majority of the three hours it took for me to get my hair “did.” Like myself, my stylist is on the fast track to thirty. I call it the fast track because it seems that each year goes by in about the time it takes to blink an eye. Not because I’m rushing it. My stylist seemed to be dealing with some the same issues I am. She feels like she is ready to settle down, but her experiences with dating have left her thinking that maybe she should just accept that she will forever be single. However, she wants to eventually have a family and she has always envisioned marriage as a part of her future. We found ourselves comparing notes just to see if maybe we were single because our expectations were too high. She listed her desires for an ideal mate and I shared mine. Thinking back on our conversation, I realize that there is no such thing as having expectations that are too high. Unrealistic, maybe. But ultimately I believe agreeing or even considering the fact that your expectations are too high leads to settling. This isn’t somewhere we as single women should be comparing notes. We all need something different in a mate who will compliment who we are. Some need more than others to balance out a relationship. I can’t judge what expectations are too high for another woman because only that woman knows what she needs and why. Me telling another woman her expectations were too high could lead to her lowering her expectations, settling for a man who doesn’t compliment her, or giving up and deciding marriage might not be for her. Honestly, there are only a few close friends who I know well enough to give that kind of advice to. My hair stylist is not one of them.

Marriage isn’t for everyone, but don’t let bad experiences or impatience force you to decide you are not the marrying type or lower your standards.

I am,

Single in Atl

Intimidation

There are lots of single, professional women in this city. By virtue of my profession alone, I’ve been told that I’m intimidating to “the average guy.” I know people often use words without fully understanding the meaning so I decided to explore this so-called intimidation starting with the source. According to www.dictionary.com, intimidation means:

1) to make timid; fill with fear. (I laughed just reading this one. I’m not even five foot tall. If I can make a grown man feel like this, he’s definitely not the man for me.)
2) to overawe or cow, as through the force of personality or by superior display of wealth, talent, etc. (Now, I will admit that I have what can be described as a strong personality. Not one, however, that would overshadow all of my other awesome qualities. As for the superior display of wealth, I rent and I drive an economy car.)
3) to force into or deter from some action by inducing fear: to intimidate a voter into staying away from the polls. (This may be what people mean when they speak of me as intimidating. Apparently, I’m chasing men away from my voting booth. HA!)

No seriously. The real source of this so-called intimidation is insecurity. I think we are all aware of the meaning of that word. Any man who is not fully comfortable with himself and where he is in life, is never going to be able to compliment a woman who is. Because I am a whole person who is not interested in a partner to complete me but instead someone who compliments, supports and loves me, I don’t need a man around to fill some empty void. Further, being a professional woman doesn’t mean taking on the role of a man. Stopping this tangent before I further digress by concluding, there is nothing complimentary about insecurity. So if by intimidating you mean that I shine a light on his innermost insecurities, so be it.
My resolve: If I’m intimidating the men by my profession, intellect, beauty (*wink*) or personality…then the intimidated ones can kick rocks! As always, your thoughts…

I am,
Single in atl