Just made it in from a holiday gathering at the home of one of my favorite married couples. The crowd was about half married and half single which presented a great opportunity for me to spread the word about my new blog and strike up a conversation that could potentially lead to blogging material. After hearing the title and premise of my blog, my married friend asked another single woman and I why we thought relationships were so hard to come by in this city. Reaffirming that my experiences with dating in this city are far from unique, we both answered that there are too many options and having options makes a committed relationship undesirable. My cohort took it a step further by stating she would remain single so long as she lived in this city. When most singles get all the benefits of a relationship from dating multiple people at the same time why would they decide to be in a committed relationship with one person accepting their shortcomings and foreclosing all other options. I must admit, I have suffered from TMDS (too much dating syndrome) in the past and sometimes wish I could mold three different guys into a complimentary mate.
As the conversation about dating went on, I expressed my gratitude for being born female. I’ve said this time and time and again. I could NEVER take multiple dudes out on dates knowing that I would be expected to pick up the tab. I never intentionally run up the bill when I go on dates, but I know some females (term used appropriately for context) who do. I know it must be hard for a guy to focus on what the woman sitting across from him at the dinner table is saying as she orders a beverage, an alcoholic beverage (or two), an appetizer, the most expensive entrée and a dessert. If he’s a gentlemen, add on a generous tip, valet, or parking fees and he’s racked up a serious bill for about two hours of a woman’s time. A woman who you may not ever hear from again. And this is all just dinner. Add on a comedy show, movie, or special event and he’s easily spent well over one hundred dollars entertaining his date for the night. Just thinking about the ridiculous price men are expected to pay for a woman’s time makes me more thankful than ever that I was born female. If I spent all that money on a female only for her to later ignore my calls, text, emails, etc., who knows what I would do. No wonder guys expect something in return after about three or four dates. I honestly can’t say I would feel any different.
As I pat myself on the back, I will share that I have offered to pay for myself on numerous occasions. Especially when there was no chemistry and I didn’t want the guy to have any reason to feel as though I owed him something because he paid for dinner and a movie. I have also developed creative ways to pick up the check when dates have gone well like a game of rock, paper, scissors. However, I think most guys have lost on purpose because for them picking up the check is the right thing to do. But I’m certain they appreciated the offer nonetheless.
In conclusion, I commend the guys who pay. I’m not being sarcastic when I say that I really feel for you. I know I could never do it. So T.G.I.F.!
I am,
Single in Atl
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So, we can conclude that some single women living in the city, who are not in committed relationships, would rather be single due to all the options they have? I'm not so sure SIA (Single in Atl).
ReplyDeleteI would be more incline to say that most ppl, women and men alike, don't want to work at relationships with such dramatic committment as marriage. Most ppl are consumed with building a career and improvig their own standing in the world and may see strife or less than ideal circumstances in a relationship as a bother they are not willing to deal with in their quest to reach other personal goals.
To be honest, being in a marriage is a full time job and maybe like two if you have children... And many ppl who already work a regular job or have a career would rather not add another job or two to their daily tasks.
Yes. I think it's easy to focus on men not wanting to settle down because relationships are hard work and they have so many options. But in this city (and most major cities) women have those same options and fears regarding commitment. I agree that all relationships whether it be family, friends, dating, marriage must be worked on if they are to be maintained. But I also think having numerous options plays a role in the decision not to settle down.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback.