I got into an interesting debate today with a close female friend based on the following scenario:
Girl meets guy and they begin a courtship. They go on dates, get to know each other, and eventually have sex. At some point girl decides she is ready to be exclusive and informs guy. Guy tells girl he thinks things are going well but moving too fast. He declines her invitation for a committed relationship and tells her he wants to keep things going as they are (or in the alternative he wants to slow things down). Yet, things remain the same between them and although guy has made his intentions known, girl falls more and more for guy. Time passes. Guy agrees to meet girl’s ___________ (close friends/family/kid/kids). Later, girl discovers guy is seeing other women. Girl confronts guy. Guy says, “I told you I didn’t want a relationship.”
This is where the debate with my friend picked up. My stance: A guy in the above scenario has done the right thing by clearly stating his intentions and the wrong thing by not correlating his actions with his words. While girl has to accept responsibility for the inevitable hurt that will come from this situation, guy is partially responsible for leading girl on. Her stance: Guy in the above scenario is totally faultless and girl has to take full responsibility for not listening, and guarding her heart accordingly, based on what she was told.
I strongly believe there are inherent differences between men and women. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. We’ve heard this time and time again. While there are exceptions to every rule, women are generally “doers” and men are “sayers.” This is particularly true in romantic relationships. Women hear “I’m not ready for a relationship” and expect men to act differently based on their words. When actions don’t change or relationships progress, women disregard the words. Men, however, rely on words and when women agree to maintain the status quo after being told no relationship is wanted or intended, they move forward.
Guys, say what you mean and mean what you say. Show that you mean it by adjusting your actions based on your words. Ladies, close your heart and your legs to a man who tells you he’s not ready.
I am,
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Yeah, that's the problem -- girls are giving it up so soon. The couple has sex several times and then one of them decides to have the talk about defining the relationship?! It's so sad that people have no respect for sex. That just goes to show that people treat sex no different than they do indulging in their favorite dessert -- they crave it, it's purely for pleasure and they can have it anytime they want. For the record, I no longer approve (for myself) of having sex before marriage. There's just so much that is lost and relationships can easily become predominantly physical. The purpose of sex is for reproduction. Yes, it is pleasurable; I believe that was one of the perks our Creator designed us with. But sex certainly wasn't meant to be performed as though it were a recreational sport. That's why there are so many people with STD's these days. I'd be reluctant to even eat from the same place as some of these women, let alone sleep with them. And it's equally bad (if not greater) with the guys. Yes, I'm coming from a Christianity angle, so you all may or may not dig, but I figured that it's a blog and I should be able to speak my piece.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you John!
ReplyDeleteMy view is that women are way too available. Not that I'm condoning "playing games" but if women would just not always be there, men would be more interested. The primal instinct of a man is to chase. If there is no chase, there is no curiosity, there is no desire! That means you don't have to talk to him with every free moment, you don't have to spend every free second with him, and you definitely don't have to have sex with him until he has shown himself worthy to have your heart!
But, to answer the question from the blog, the man said he didn't want a relation and the women should have listened! I mean he told her! What else could he have done, just completely cut her off?!?!? He said he didn't want a relationship, but, he never said he didn't want her friendship and she accepted his friendship. Just because he went to meet her family/friends does not mean he wants to be in a relationship with her. He may have thought he was meeting her people just as her friend because he may do that with all of his friends. I mean, they never had another conversation to say that his feelings had changed about her. So she was trying to make something be there that was NEVER there and he NEVER pretended that it was EVER there!
Having been there and done that I can say that I agree with your friend. "Guy in the above scenario is totally faultless and girl has to take full responsibility for not listening, and guarding her heart accordingly, based on what she was told."
ReplyDeleteIt's not an easy lesson but she should have found out his intentions before opening her legs and heart. Then it would have been easier to accept the truth or keep it moving.
I agree with your friend... I went to a friend's fishbowl party and a topic like this came up. The single guys explained it perfectly. They said that a guy will continue to sleep with a girl as long as she allows him to especially if she knowsthe satus of their relationship and she doesn't decided to stop.
ReplyDeleteMy question is, why would the girl all of a sudden decide that sex changed the status of their relationship? Why didn't she establish that before she dropped her panties? And then she wants to get upset because he's screwing her just as he always had? She is foolish! She can't get mad because she changed the parameters of their relationship when he obviously told her what the deal was.